Department Store Fistfight Breaks out over Girls Leggings

Well, that does it.  This planet is officially circling the toilet drain of life.  I’ve had it with humanity.  People can’t seem to act civil to each other.  Let me describe what I witnessed this weekend at the department store.  It was a Saturday just like any other.  Lots of customers were milling about, shopping for stuff.  Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed two girls bickering over a pair of leggings.  Well, not girls actually.  They were full grown women who were acting as if they were girls.  The capri leggings were kind of like these.  Capris seem to be hugely popular these days, but I never suspected it could lead to blows.  But I’m skipping ahead.  The first lady said she saw the capri leggings first, and was planning on buying them.  The second said, “I beg to differ.  If you wanted them, then you should’ve been holding them."  Apparently, no one talks to this girl like that, I don’t care what kind of capri leggings were at stake, because the first one grabbed the other gals hair and smashed her face into tray of sunglasses.   I said to myself, “Uh-oh.  Oh no you didn’t!"  Then the other, who kind of looked like an Amazon, grabbed an arm from a mannequin and used it to pulverize her head with it.  I couldn’t believe it.   The manager came running over, presumedly to break it up.  But that wasn’t the case at all.  She started screaming, “You’re ruining my display!"  Then she grabbed a box of running shoes and threw them at the women.  One of the girls deflected it with her wrists, like Wonder Woman warding off a bullet.  Pa-ching!  That’s when the heavy set chick ripped the phone off the wall and proceed to smash it against the chin of the ugly one.  Ring-ring.  "I think this is for you, be-otch!"   Please hold!  Crack.  My tooth!

Me?  I simply stood there, my jaw hanging to the ground.  Where was the civility?  What happened to manners and decorum?  Unfortunately, the camera on my phone was dead, or else I would’ve had the whole scene on YouTube.   Luckily, I briefly considered a career as a courtroom sketch artist, so I grabbed a nearby canvas and charcoal and began doing my thing.  I started by drawing the capri leggings for girls, because that was what started the whole altercation, and clearly should be the center of attention.  When I got around to sketching the two brutes duking it out, the whole thing was already over.  So when the cops asked me to tell them what I saw, I was no help at all.  I held up a really great painting of some girls capri leggings.

Later, when I got home, I did a search on the internet to see just how popular capri leggings are.  I came across one website that sold a ton of different styles.  If you want to see how they look, you can click on this link.  So just when you think you’ve seen it all, chances are you haven’t!